i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
ttyl tear gas
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Randomize
