that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
