I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize