trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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