OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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