I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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