so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Randomize
