If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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