She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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