she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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