I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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