break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Come share oat with me in your robe
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
