He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
