i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
