I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
