grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
