Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I have fence marks all over my body
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
