he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
