i don't like sucking hair
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
In other news, I just burned my penis
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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