How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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