I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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