we should wear snuggies to the strip club
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
