I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize