Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
