i don't plan on having that self control this summer
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
