Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
