i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
