I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
