if you like me you must not know who I am
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
