Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
