The maid of honor just puked.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
