Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
