I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
