Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
