Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
