It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
