Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He did a backflip because drugs
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