he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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