porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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