I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
