Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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