You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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