$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
