if you like me you must not know who I am
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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