i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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