I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
