look no pants
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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