She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
