The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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