shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
