So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
