who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
