Is it because I queefed?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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