Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
