Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
