I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
