john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
