I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize