Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
