ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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