i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize