I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
