He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
