you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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