I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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