Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
