I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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