Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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