so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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